& my world will be coloured.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

firstly, reply to tags.

queen: yeah. thanks mum. love you!

aqidah: hah. yeah. i know. but well.. patience, which im lacking. ugh. anw, jia you for the exams! (:

secondly,here comes the latest post.

hmmm.. let's put it this way. maybe God answered my prayers at last. today, which is the eve of CNY, i went out with..... him. yes, him. geraldtanaikhow. he asked abt this outing since last week, so... i find it bad not to accept. anw, waking along chinatown is really something i wanna do. sounds fun. seein the cultural exchange, esp during CNY period. (: so we walked like.. non-stop.. to and fro the lanes.. it kinda reminds me of petaling street at KL. serious! there were a lot of things that they were selling. pomelo, oranges, flowers, decoration, clothes. wow. and full of red color! (: and red is hot, i feel. (: the atmosphere was rather cool! there was this man, i saw... dressed up in shirt and shorts, selling balloons. hah. cute and colorful ones! gerald wanted to buy for me, but seriously, i felt that was unnecessary for an 18yearold. (: and and and, actually the best thing abt today's outing was that we took loads of photos!! gerald borowed the camera from his dad and he also brought along his personal camera. hah. we kinda exchange a few times to have the feel of taking photos from different cameras. (: this was not our first time that we took photos for events. it's been a few times though. haha. it's damn fun la! hahah. and then.. ugh! a lot of things happened... i met gerald's working frend. hah. the old uncle who sells chocolate. haha. cute uncle. we talked to him awhile when he was busy promoting his chocos. hah. den gerald bought a wallet, saw uncles playing chess, i stepped into IRRELEVANT stuffs (ask me abt it, and i tell u. hah. stupid muah chee) , we took more and more photos, we ate at macD (first time i upsize my meal! the weather was so freaking hot), took more photos, bought shorts, and then.......comes the interesting part. we talked. finally, we talked. as in....... we talked. abt us.

i asked him.. wad's happening now.. between us. and as usual, he says... NOTHING. he just kept quiet. and then.. the next minute, surprisingly, i didnt scream, lose my temper or wadeva. i just.... kept on talking abt my feelings. its not that i wanna be selfish or what. i had enuff of him sighing abt his side of the story. now comes mine. so. i told him abt wad i really felt deep within. and here goes part of the convo. the one that i could roughly remember, and i wunt forget.

whispering... talking softly.......
fifah: so.. how... what do u think i shud do?
him: i dunno.
fifah: wad u mean by u dunno..?
him: really, i dunno. (he kept quiet, giving me his weakest face expression)
fifah: okay... i just wanna tell u that... i will not forget the things that we've been thru.. time passed by and i was actually prepared for this thing to happen... it's the matter of time...... however.. i knw that u still loves me... (blah blah blah blah blah....)
him: i know.... (surprisingly, he didnt say sorry. and i was totally fine abt it. finally, he stopped saying sorry)
fifah: so.. how abt the future? are we going to be like this...? as in.. i-love-you-but-cant-be-together-and-im-stil-stuck? i dunno whether i can like/love a guy again.. what if i like another guy? or another guy like me?
him: den.. u must tell me.
fifah: why?
him: ...... (no answer)
fifah: and wad if another girl likes you later on?
him: i'll let her wait.
fifah: why?
him: i'll tell her to wait for u to find another guy.
fifah: why? if that girl really likes you? and she wait. wait wait.. wait.... how?
him: that means.. she have to keep waiting...
fifah: but why must she be the one to wait for ME?
him: at least, i wil be there for u. if u find another guy, i knw.. that u wunt be lonely anymore.

and from there, i swear i was going to cry. but instead, i held back my tears. he held my hands and the whole convo stops.

after that.. nth much more happened. more or less the same. on the way home, we took more photos and we kinda pretended that tat convo was just.. the way we clarify things. when we reached serangoon... he hug me and from that, i am assured.. even if im his gf or just frends from now on, i will be safe with him arnd. I will.

i saw the other side of him. and it was... amazing.

finally, my questions were answered. for 1 month, i was searching for those answers. i thank God for helping me all this while. now, i knw where i stand in his heart. somewhere deep down, my heart which he stole, will remain there in his. till this teenage love meets again.

Fif ♥ 11:04 PM