& my world will be coloured.

Monday, March 24, 2008

i'll start blogging about a riddle that i came across today.

"What bone grows longer and shorter?"
- trombone.

hah. i find it lame, but whenver i hear the word trombone, my heart starts to jump with joy. i dunno why, but i feel happy when i start picking up my trombone and play some songs with it.
so that brings me to my recent event. performance at nanyang girl's high audi with the BMB. and my, i do look like the "old" one there. i miss the times when i fall in with the entire band, setting up my instrument and joke with my members inside the store room, laugh at mr leng's jokes, conducting my section during sectionals, wearing my striking band skirt and basically, everything abt band. i even miss those punishments that my section got due to our loudness and craziness in band. oh god. see how fast time passed by. everything seems lke in a blink of an eye. too bad aqidah was not there to perform with us. she decided to study for her supp paper. i beg, i plead i did watever i can to ask her perform. but she cant let go of her HPI,maths and cellbio. well, nvm. studies comes first. no doubt bout that. and there weren't enuff trombone. but that was never a problem. hais. i miss her whenever she didnt come band. i still remember how we started of together in band. haha. we never once had a real senior to teach us from basic. all i can remember was aizat, who taught us whenever we ask him how to play that note. other than that, we were laughing all the way during band.

so after 1 year plus since i last had a serious practice with BMB, i felt happy once again. time passed by so fast till im scared. im scared that i couldnt catch up with it. now then i realize wad can cheer me up even though im facing the bitterness part of life. playing with the band, touching my trombone, opening the black file.. all these seems to keep me happy. no wonder why thruout 4 years in sec sch, whenever i have any problems, after band, everything seems to calm down. and now, i realize where i can find peace, fun and laughter. (:

that night, during the performance, gerald came. when we sat at the back, waiting for our turn to perform, i saw him sitting in front. alone. and suddenly, i dunno why, i feel like crying. i swear. so, just to divert my attention, i open my black file and looked at the phantom of the opera score. deana, my junior knew i was flipping the file as she was beside me. after sucha a long time, i see that charming face. and after that glimpse, all those anger and disappointment, were all gone.... i start to feel weak... and this heart.. became soft. i duno why. and den when the pri sch band finish performing, he came and sat at the empty seat, beside me. he didnt look at me. and den, my heart began to smile. he turned and say hi. and smiled. and my juniors were making fun of it. haha. out of embarrasment, i told him he cant sit here. because all the performers were there. and so, he sat behind. he watch closely till the end of BMB performance. he took a video of us playing tequila. (: and its nice. damn nice.

after perf, we went back bartley and he took 156 to my place. i met him at MacD after sorting out things back at bartley. and things seemed alright for both of us. how i wish i could stop the time and let things to continue simply this way. how i wish. bt at the same time, i realize something. if only i have lesser expectations from him, things wil turn out better. and yeah. im workin on it.

someone once told me that secondary school will be the best part of ur life. i used to disagree to that statement. but now, without me even asking myself, i admit that it WAS the BEST part of my life. everything seems great during those 4 years. im happy that i have the one bit of those memories. i have him. at least he's part of those beautiful memories. and i want it to remain that way. but as days passed by, time, ppl and the environment seems to change... and i have to adapt to it as quickly i can, before ilose everything that i've been holding on to since years....

it's late now.
wish u all good night. (:

The more I try to sort through it all, the more the tears come.
Even when I try to steal it, the memories spread into different memories through the tears that I shed.
It makes me cry so painfully.

I love you, I love you
These words have become a habit and these words are among the many I’ve learned from you.
I sit around alone mumbling to myself like a fool.

and that's when i realize, i really, love you.

Fif ♥ 9:17 PM